As a young girl I was warned of the demons out there. Wore black or ruled the streets. But no one ever warned me of the demon living under smiles and dark brown eyes.
During a cold December morning, walking into Starbucks in jeans and a shirt. Walking with my hoodie, ordered the usual, Mocha, grande size brought my copy of the Physics book I had to read for the weekend and stayed in my corner, where I can see the streets. It was a normal day, I suppose until this guy with dark brown eyes came up to me and accidentally poured my drink all over me. I got up and when I was about to say something he said “I’m sorry I’m such a klutz.” “No one cries over spilled milk, in this case coffee it’s fine no worries” I said. But deep inside I wanted to shove him for wasting my 200 pesos worth of coffee. “I’ll buy you a new one. And no ifs or buts” he said. “Mocha, grande in your name” I replied. If I was going to let someone buy me coffee might as well know his name right? And he did buy me a grande Mocha in his name. “Jack” was his name. It was legibly written on that red cup. “Thank you” I said with a smile. “No worries, and thank you for not going hysterical over spilled coffee” he replied. “That’s what you expected? Well I guess I’m different.” I answered, “Well nice meeting you, Jack?” I added. “My pleasure, well I didnt quite get a name from you?” he answered. “Emily, its Emily. Well I have to go now.” I answered and left.
Okay let’s cut to the chase. I met Jack again at the same Starbucks a day after. I was getting my daily dose of Mocha when he approached me “I promise not to pour that coffee on you.” “Well hi, Jack what a surprise or coincidence that we meet again you’re not following me right?”. We did small talk and learned he studies at a college near mine. I found it surprising that we really dont have a lot in common. But there’s something about him that makes him interesting. He’s just normal, studies AB Accountancy Major in Business Management. He’s into sports, basketball specifically. We root for two rival basketball teams. there wasnt really anything I can say that we have in common. But he makes me laugh, and his eyes feel like I’m home. Weird right? So after the small talk we exchanged numbers. “So is this the part where I give my number and I’ll stay up all night waiting for your text that wouldnt really come?” “Haha, remember what I told you Jack, I’m different. But this is a funny way of you getting my number, here” So I gave him my number and his in exchange “Are you sure there wont be ex girlfriends replying to my text?” “haha Amanda please, If there’s one thing I’m certain about its that I would really like to know you more” “okay Jack, I’ll text you soon” And that was the start of something new.
At 8:30 pm December 18, you texted me saying “Its the one week anniversary since I poured that Mocha Grande you were enjoying on you” “Jack? hahah well how can pouring coffee last a week and other relationships cant even last two days” I replied. “Bitter? Well not all things were meant to last” Jack replied. “Hang on there haha, did you just what do you call that?” “Hugot” he texted back. “Oh yeah that one haha. Well hi there.” That hi turned to hellos. Those hellos turned to goodmornings, good afternoons. Soon turned to Happy birthdays and happy holidays. And funny for me to think that it could’ve turned to I love yous.
Its been 15 months since we met. I’ve met your parents and you’ve met mine. What we had was just a bestfriend kinda thing. There were I love yous that were followed by “just kidding”. There were “I’m sorrys” for the words we thought we’d never say. There were goodnights and goodbyes. There was you and me but never an us.
At December 18 of the following 2 years. It stopped. It was like a spur of the moment thought that I said “What did I get myself into?” “What is this is even”. I started to question my judgement if the last 15 months with you was something else. I tried to look for the signs but there wasnt any. Maybe I was too blinded by the fact that I loved you but I never really accepted it. I was falling for a guy I’ve known for 15 months, 15 freaking great months and I only realize it now. I realized when it was falling apart. I realize it when I’m losing you. I told you I wanted to end it, whatever it was that we had. You asked me for reasons but the reasons were locked away somewhere even I couldnt find. But one thing was certain. I was different, Jack and you never saw it. I was different and I thought you knew. I thought you’d fight but you didnt