Greater Than

People might think its shallow, getting mad for what they call petty things but hey wake up because behind those so- called little things are the huge reasons why you’re hurting.

It was more than just late replies, it was about the message you sent by not sending any message at all. It wasn’t about the secrets you didn’t tell me, it was about not trusting me enough. It wasn’t just about leaving me I, it was seeing you happy without me making me feel I wasn’t enough. It wasn’t about what we fought about, it was what we ended up saying and doing. It wasn’t about the distance, it was about the time. It wasn’t about me and you, it was about what we had.

It’s all about what we said and did. All about the late night conversations, all about the memories. It was all about the time we spent together and the problems we surpassed. It was about the sweet promises and golden words of assurance. It was about spontaneity and constancy. It was about everything we have ever imagined and planned on doing together. It was about the songs we sang and the movies we cried about. It was the feeling of security and importance you made me feel.

It was more than just I-don’t-want-to –annoy-you-but-I-miss-you feeling it was making me feel I am not worthy of your time. Worst, not worthy of a place in your heart. It was more than just making me feel worthless, really. It was making me think every night, where did I go wrong? It was making me have second thoughts whenever I look at you, why did I even love you? Who am I to you? A friend, a lover, an option, a choice, a back-up plan, a rebound or something you can never have or worse someone you take for granted every single time. Who am I to you? It’s uncertain who I am to you, but to me you are everything. You are something greater than, greater than what I deserve, greater than what I should even love, greater than what I really felt.

I knew it wasn’t love, nor it wasn’t friendship it’s something in between. It was greater than what we ever really felt. It was greater than what we ever had before. It was greater than what we will ever have. Maybe it’s greater than both of us can ever really give. But isn’t love about pushing your boundaries and crossing your limits for the one you truly love? Maybe what we had is greater than both of us can ever really have. Maybe what we had is greater than whatever we deserved. Maybe what we had is greater than everything what we had before. Maybe what we had is greater than what we really thought we have.

Greater than, I would describe you as. For you are greater than everyone I ever loved. Greater than I would ever love. You gave me pain greater than what I felt before. You gave me happiness greater than what I had before. It may sound off, to compare you to what I had before. But isn’t that how we measure love? If it’s better or worse? If it ended well with the first than the ones that came after? Isn’t comparison the reason why we are scared to be the second choice? Why we are scared to be an option? Why we are scared that one day you will wake up and see the person you love leave you for the one who came after or before you. Comparison creates competition. And love is one big battlefield. We fight every single day, every single moment we spend with them just to make them stay. We fight to be the best, we fight to be the greater than. We fight to make them stay. But once they realize we’re not enough you’ll see them leave with all the might and dignity you fought with, and see them walk away with the one who came before or the one who came after.

We all want to be the greater than everyone deserves. The greater than everyone seeks to have. We fight to be the greater than so they wouldn’t find it in anyone else. But one way or another we may not be the greater than they deserve. One way or another we aren’t the greater than they need. One way or another we are not the greater than meant to fill their needs. One way or another we are not the greater than who is worthy of a place in their life, and in their heart. Be the greater than everyone wants but only one deserves.

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